Retox Magazine News and Updates

 

May 2012

Fashion: The Emperor's New Clothes

Many years ago, there was an Emperor, who was excessively fond of fashion, and he spent most of the crown’s cash on new clothes.

One day, two rogues, calling themselves weavers, landed at the emperor's palace gate. They made out they could weave cloth of most beautiful colours and elaborate patterns and the clothes manufactured from that cloth would have the wonderful and unique property of remaining invisible to anyone unfit for their office, or who was extraordinarily simple in character.

We all know how this story ends, with the emperor parading the streets naked. The emperor was a silly man.

Luckily most of us are far more on-the-ball than that emperor character and I personally believe it will be very unlikely to see anyone naked parading Oxford Circus or Leicester Square any time soon, if ever.

However, if you're local, there's no better time or place to enlighten your inner fashion guru than now and in London.

Become an emperor. Kit yourself out.

Your servant,

Fashiona Noihsaf

 

April 2012

An Eggsellent Easter Drinking Game

We half-invented this game and this is the raw version of the recipe. Feel free to send us a more refined version!

1. To play this game you need loads of halved eggshells.

Chop raw eggs in halves, set aside all of the halved eggshells, rinse them. If you’re worried about salmonellae, spray the eggshells with antibacterial liquid or chuck them into a cup of diluted antibacterial dishwasher liquid for a bit; that should sort it out. Let the eggshells dry.

2. Get a stash of old books.

3. Once you're ready to play the game, find an even surface, set four halved eggshells under the corners of a large book – or three for 'better' balance and continue taking turns to add a book (and other object if you want to be creative) to the pile. Who ever adds a book or an object to the pile and breaks an eggshell or kills the pile, downs the drink.

Please note: this game was designed with orange juice in mind. Feel free to try other juices and let us know what works best. ;)

Happy Easter!

The Retox Team

 

December 2011

Roasting Santa's jewels, hot Santa's helpers, chilled beer… and me!

A hot chocolate in one hand, a rollie in the other and an icicle hanging off the nose; this is a regular sighting at 11am on a Monday morning across the UK.

Shivering hard-nippled fashionistas and the less fashion conscious balls wrapped like onions in (snug?) winter layers ramble up and down the road - a daily sighting between the hours of 8:30am and 8:30pm across all town centres on the island.

Most of these characters infest our over-populated streets and I suspect hospitals. We have come to the time of the year when the word "flu" is said more times in a day than "thank you".

And that's why I moved to the tropics.

Although I have put immense effort into decorating my Christmas tree, which as a matter of fact happens to be a coconut tree, I am fully aware I will never get the presents I want if any. Same goes for you.

That's not because Santa gets delayed in traffic, can't find remote destinations or is ungenerous, but because every year he gets stuck on this beach the same way I do, and will probably spend the rest of his Christmas getting inebriated.

While Santa roasts his jewels on a sunlounger, I have a few cold beers and a play around with the hot Santa's helpers, all wearing a g-sting. And that's Christmas present enough for me.

Merry Christmas!

Bobi Billard - the one who rediscovered the meaning of Christmas

 

November 2011

Ho Ho No – Here we go again!

That's right folks; it's fast approaching the festive season once again. The special time that comes around at the end of every year when we've only just recovered from the year before and have spent the whole year avoiding the members of the family after the previous Christmas' embarrassments. It's a time when we would like to be left alone, but because it's Christmas we are brought together whether we like it or not!

Christmas is the season we can get away with almost anything. We can wait for cheeky kisses under the mistletoe; we can eat as many sweets as we want because in January, we'll set ourselves New Year resolutions we can't keep, to shift those unwanted pounds. We can have as much Turkey as we want, because if not it'll just go to waste, and of course, we can spend money on ourselves when we return those unwanted items that people think we might like! It's a time for giving and more importantly a time for receiving, so Santa, please can I have everything on my Christmas list? I'll even throw in a mince pie to bribe you.

But really Christmas is the time of year to celebrate the birth of Jesus, and like Jesus, we become kids again. The flashing lights on the Christmas tree; the colourful tinsel, the festive baubles, the reef on the door and the fact that for two days straight, we don't feel guilty about watching awful TV, you've GROTTO love CHRISTMAS!

Mary Christmas!

Victoria Hart

 

October 2011

Halloween

Knock! Knock! … Who's there? … Aw shucks, it’s another little monster from the local mini-mafia collecting their annual 'treat' in exchange for 'protection' from any 'accidental' firework deliveries through the letterbox. I perch nervously on the edge of my armchair, jumping up and running to the door as each 'family' drops by, and smile with affectionate terror as they hold out their bags and make me an offer I can't refuse ... "Trick or Treat! …"

The costumes are so much less sophisticated now than when I was a boy, yet are so much more believable. One little girl was dressed as Kate Moss – or at least that's what I think she was dressed as. She wore her Burberry pattern cap at just the right jaunty angle over her scraped back ponytail and her shell-suit was the perfect shade of fluorescent pink.

When I said, "trick", she grinned, revealing that classic Kate Moss 'gap' in her teeth (which I later discovered she had gained in a brawl with her mum outside a local supermarket) and then she knocked me to the ground and kicked the living daylights out of me while her mates grabbed the petty cash and took my wallet.

They said they'd be back next year for more.

Loclann O'Grady

 

Summer of 2011

Words of wisdom 4 a better summer!

If you are in London this summer, carry a brolly. If you have any contact with water, remember not to test the depth of the water with both feet. Summer is the time to have fun, so in any circumstance, if you must choose between two evils pick the one you've never tried before. If you happen to be stuck in an office for the duration of the summer and you can’t beat your computer at chess, try kickboxing. Ever since the recession the 'borrowing kind' still linger about. If you lend someone £20, and never see that person again, it was probably worth it. And remember, the early worm gets eaten by the bird, so always sleep late!
Happy summering!

 

April 2011

Spring IS a Party!

Nights are getting shorter (finally!), days are getting longer and spring fever is setting in. On this note, who the hell wants to stay at home?

As the cold cloud begins to disintegrate its time to stop being couch-ridden. Its time to get out, celebrate, dine, party, socialise, party more, possibly make-out and do all of those little things that we do every spring.

Increased activity, bigger, better and more frequent dinners, fabulous cocktails, bank holidays, late nights and a long list of celebrations we are to look forward to! Spring really is a big party…

 

Top 10 New Year’s Resolutions on London pubs and bars for 2011!

1. Explore your city and get to know the coolest bars and swankiest pubs in London;
2. Dine and wine at no less than 10 London’s finest gastro pubs;
3. Experience the best cocktail bars in London and discover your favourite London based mixologist;
4. Watch every game in a different sports bar in London;
5. Take your date(s) out to best luxury bars in London;
6. Check out all Central London bars and create a countdown list – first being your favourite;
7. Take your siblings, in-laws, parents and grandparents to a different family friendly pub each time;
8. Find an opportunity to sit in every cool beer garden in London;
9. Take turns in your circle of friends to find a new traditional pub each time;
10. Tune in regularly to RetoxMagazine.com to check out our London pubs and bars features!

Love and laughs,

The Tribe – Retox Magazine

 

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