How to make fast money

Note: The author's views are entirely his or her own and may not reflect the views of RetoxMagazine.com

For years I’ve hardly received junk mail. An occasional Viagra or a penis enlargement email, even though I don’t have a penis, would hit my account, but that was it.

Then, one day I’ve joined Twitter. This was an obvious pattern. Since joining Twitter I won a countless number of lotteries, inherited many millions, received several marriage proposals and attracted generous individuals wanting to share their assets!

How to make fast money – my story

To give you an example of how rich I am, just within the last two weeks I won One Million Euros from Euro Lotto’s charity bonanza in the European Online Lottery; received a $1,200,000 as a mysterious thank you from a mysterious Mr Gary Clark; won $500,000 dollars from Google Asia based in Bangkok; Central Bank of Thailand will finally release my long awaited $10,000,000; 500,000.00 GBP was won when my email was drawn by the National Gaming Board;

Africa is just full of kindhearted souls offering you money for the milk of human kindness, who knew breast-feeding was lucrative? Anyway a Dr. Ze Lions from Nigeria is representing the estate of Idi Amin. Once I provide him with my bank account details, NI number, Mr Idi Amin will give me a gift of £1million just so they can rest some money in my account.

A representative of FBI was spotted holding my name and email address in association of my $50,000 award that apparently I am fighting to retrieve; I have won $700,000 from an unidentified membership promotion; I am still waiting for an African magazine with a hidden ATM card to be delivered to me by Fedex. Apparently that card is the face of $800,000; and finally, in the name of the Lord, a born again Christian Lady Loyce Obadiah from Saudi Arabia is leaving me $11.5 million Dollars so that after she dies of cancer, I could do a nice Christian thing and distribute it to charities and NGOs. As it turns out, I am Jewish.

The above roughly comes to 17.5 million pounds. This money found me within two weeks. Work out my annual income and there you have it, Bill Gates is fighting me for my job. My billions paired up with my model looks helps me rationalize why so many men and women now want to date me or marry me. World leaders, male models, actors and even Dawn French are keen! It’s true money makes you more attractive!

How to make fast money – the beginning of your story

But hey, as everyone has been soooo generous to me and helped me get rich, I should do the same. I don’t care who you are, where you’re from or what you do. I’ll share my millions with you. Yes, even if you are a mass murderer. Just email me your name, address, date of birth, credit card details, names of your great grandparents, their weight, what you had for breakfast this time last year and a copy of your passport. Actually F it, send me the real thing – the passport, I mean.

Once you have done that, I will gladly share my wealth with you. Seriously it’s that simple, just like trading in the financial markets....