The dirty sexy nasty goblins

Note: The author's views are entirely his or her own and may not reflect the views of RetoxMagazine.com

Introducing you to Goblins, the malicious and grotesque food scavenging monsters - a toothless breed using other animal’s skeletal jaws for dentures. City life is tougher and resources are scarcer so they often substitute teeth for refuse like glass, metal scraps and other sharp objects. Most goblin species inhabit sea-rocks, rubble, caves, dirty homes, but most usually roadside ditches and gutters and as masters of refuse they’ll furnish their homes with waste discarded by humans.

A single goblin will not be of much damage, just a nuisance - a pest that will rummage through your food waste and all sorts of other rubbish. In large numbers, however, they can be extremely dangerous and initiate an attack similar to the Jaipur monkey gangs in India. This is not a laughing matter as these goblin attacks can be dangerous. Bigger non-veg goblin gangs often hunt for smaller prey like cats, hamsters and goldfish. And remember, goblins kill!

They live by night and sleep by day. Dirty goblin-accommodating homes will exhibit an evident trail of irritable goblin damages. They will chew the soles of your shoes; eat your goldfish and even party in your underwear draw. Their disastrous and mischievous reputation follows them across the universe and they are the most difficult creatures to catch. Their wrinkly toad-like bodies are covered with fleshy polyps that retract and expand in accordance to their mood and release different smells to signal communication with other goblins. Their eyes move independently and they have acute senses – in particular, dangerously meticulous hearing sense and an admirably refined sense of smell. Sadly though, they have no taste.

How to know whether you have goblins creeping around in your area:

1. Has a small domesticated animal gone missing? – Probably sought after by a non-veg goblin.

2. Does your home smell like urine? – Indeed, goblins too like to mark their territory.

3. Does an odd sock continuously go missing? – Goblins have a habit of stealing socks. They use them as rucksacks for gathered refuse.

4. Has your money gone missing? – Goblins eat almost anything, and they especially like worn-out dirty bank notes.

5. You feel like someone’s constantly watching you and you keep on hearing random noises in your house at night. – Yes, definitely. Either ghosts or goblins!

Do you have a story? – Please contact our Goblin Busters at RetoxMagazine.com

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