How To Become a Bodybuilder

Last updated 28 January 2018

Note: The author's views are entirely his or her own and may not reflect the views of RetoxMagazine.com

Bodybuilder posing at competition.

Become a Bodybuilder

Recently we had an enquiry asking us for tips on how to become a bodybuilder. It may seem hard, but it really is not if you follow the steps below.

1. Bodybuilding is all about diet!

Want to become a bodybuilder? That’s not hard, everyone can do it. All you need to do is eat plenty of yeast, mixed with cement powder. The yeast will make your muscle mass rise making your muscles fatter and bigger and the cement will harden them. Prepare the mixture stirring in 2kg of yeast and 2kg of cement powder, slowly adding a glass of water. Eat the mixture twice a day everyday using a teaspoon! Results will soon show, you'll see!

2. Get a good shiny tan to excentuate your concreate muscles.

Use Ronseal. Brush on three coats. It will last 2 months if applied in ideal temperature, three months if you have quick showers instead of long baths and five months if you don’t bathe at all. It does exactly what it says on the tin. Continue to use it as required.

3. Get your bodybuilder’s posing suit

Another very important item required for bodybuilders, especially if you are planning to participate in competitions, is a posing suit. After all, you can’t really go on stage naked. Now, every bodybuilder usually goes for a solid colour. How boring! Be original and opt for flowers, hearts, polkadots, or if you’re experimental enough try a grass skirts or a nambas (penis sheaths) and leaves.

4. Don’t enter bodybuilding competions too early – be patient!

Before you enter yourself into any strongman’s competion, make sure you are definitely ready. Do not enter too early or this could be very embarrassing and with YouTube around, the joke will never die! Wait for the right time. Once you go through 2000kg of cement and yeast, you should be ok.

5. Watch your walk, bodybuilder!

You may have noticed that some bodybuilders walk funny with their arms out to the side and slightly forward. What affects this you may wonder? Do the upper body muscles specifically affect this type of walking? You’re probably thinking either biceps or lats. Well, here’s the truth: Bodybuilders walk funny because of a disease! ILS, otherwise known as the dreaded Imaginary Lat Syndrome, is a vicious disease of the central nervous system. You do not need to have gigantic lats to walk like a douce-bag, just a gigantic ego, but that will be the first symptom you’ll get. Watch yourself! ILS is a sticky disease!

Disclaimer: This article was created to serve the purpose of making you laugh. Although we cannot guarantee that everyone will have a laugh, we hope that YOU do. Please do not harm yourself or others in any way and DO NOT eat cement! Cheers.

Take Your Muscles on a Trip

If you continue working hard you know very well that eventually you will have to take a break and even reward yourself. There are only few things out there that can compare to a good holiday adventure. Here are three exciting destinations you can to take your muscles to:

Check out Muscle Beach

There is a place in Santa Monica referred to as Muscle Beach. The name refers to a location south of the Santa Monica Pier where a fitness boom emerged in the US during the 20th century. There is even a Muscle Beach website that shares some history on this, including copies of vintage black and white photos.

Muscle Beach Venice is located at the City of Los Angeles Department of Recreation and Parks’ Venice Beach Recreation Center. It is an outdoor weightlifting platform constructed in Venice, California, 18 years after Muscle Beach was established.

Attend Arnold Sports Festival

Also known as the Arnold Schwarzenegger Sports Festival, the multi-sports event is held in multiple countries. If anything, you want to go to the main event held annually (in February or March) in Columbus, Ohio, United States. The event is run by the International Federation of BodyBuilding & Fitness (IFBB). For more information on the event and a big picture of Arnie you can go to the Arnold Sports Festival official site.

And finally...

See the famous ancient Greek weightlifter

Weightlifting is not just a modern thing. A block of red sandstone weighing 143.5 kg was found at Olympia, with carved inscription "Bybon son of Phola, has lifted me over his head with one hand." The stone also has a section carved out as a hand grip. Bybon was a famous ancient Greek weight lifter apparently using stones as his tools.

You can go on a travel adventure and see the famous ancient Greek stone on display at the Archaeological Museum of Olympia in Greece.