The Barbie Curse

Story by Viveka Tizmi

Note: The author's views are entirely his or her own and may not reflect the views of RetoxMagazine.com

Photo by Lin Vitali

Doctor, waitress, police officer, fire fighter, ballerina…

Easy tiger! We are not talking about those kinky fetish outfits! We are actually talking about five of many career choices the talented 50-year-old Barbie had chosen.

The blonde wasp-wasted multilingual super-brain has worked in various fields including education, military, politics, medicine and media just to mention a few.

During her employment gaps between practicing surgery (1973), joining the US Navy (1991) and serving as a valued astronaut (1965, 1985 and 1994), she also worked as a McDonalds Cashier (1983), a Babysitter (1963) and a Soda Fountain Waitress (1998), until eventually she landed the role of the US President – in the year 2000. Well done Barbie, you’ve beaten George W. Bush!

Year 2000 was a busy year. 3 flights crashed (strangely neither of these aircrafts were operated by Barbie); A falling tree crushed the last living Pyrenean Ibex; A meteorite impacted the Earth; Torrential rains in Mozambique lead to severe flooding; The ILOVEYOU computer virus infected the globe; India gave birth to it’s billionth living person; Tate Modern opened in London; A leaking petroleum pipeline exploded, killing gasoline scavenging villagers in Nigeria; A mighty earthquake hit Iceland on its national day (-little did they know they’d have an ash cloud hovering above them next!); Pakistan found a mummified ancient Persian princess, which later turned out to be forged; And in London, a gang of criminals raided the Millennium Dome in an unsuccessful attempt to steal The Millennium Star diamond. These are amongst some of the many events that took place during the reigning year of Barbie. Sadly for Barbie, she had to undertake another couple of jobs that year to help her sustain her living habits. Her other jobs included a Starfleet Officer and a Paratrooper.

With Barbie being an all around icon for women engaging in intellectual pursuits, we can proudly announce that the year 2010 brings Barbie a new and a wonderful head start within the IT industry. Barbie is now embarking on her new career as a Computer Engineer. We don’t yet know whether Barbie is Cisco Certified, or whether she works with Mac, Windows or Linux computer systems but Barbie’s intelligence is undoubtedly proven by her accompaniment of a nerdy pair of pink glasses, a Blue Tooth Headset and a sported pink laptop - yet again, unclear whether it is a Mac or a PC. The blonde Barbie has made this latest career move to apparently help girls crack the male-dominated profession of computer engineers, and encourage females of ALL demographics to take on this career path. This is Barbie’s 126th ‘job’ in 50 years and Barbie is certainly not yet set out for retirement.

"-Mom, can I please …please …please have a terrorist Barbie in a pink skirt and a blind folded tied up adult store attendant Ken, who is NOT a pervert? …And a death row chair so that I can then kill the terrorist!"